No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize