operation harelip BJ is a go
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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