ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
