Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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