he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
