my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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