Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
