I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
