you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
