my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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