I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
