Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
