I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i've created a new STD.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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