We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
