her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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