I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
