Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
