maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
not ubering you a puppy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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