it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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