the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
