She said her name was "party"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
