this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
