I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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