I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
