no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
