a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
