and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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