Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
