just tell him i said nine months
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
