have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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