am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
