everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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