ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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