I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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