I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
