i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found a bag of teeth...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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