Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize