On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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