Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
