Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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