she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
