Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
