His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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