Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
