Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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