My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
