I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
