Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
