and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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