So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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