I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
