So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
