I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
