There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
