I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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