Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize