Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
