nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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