White coat. Heels.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Help. Why am I so naked?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
