I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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