I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
