So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
