New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
