peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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