So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
