i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
