Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
