There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
