She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm at about main and main street
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
