i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
another moral hangover. fuck.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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