I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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