The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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