Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
