the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
