I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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