The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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