This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
