I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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