grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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