If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
