How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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