Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
