ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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