It's Friday. Sex?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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