Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
