Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm too high and old for this...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize