I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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