I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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