Swine flu. Run for my life!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
