Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
