i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
