In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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