Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize