How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
