Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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