thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I didn't notice because vodka
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
