90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
