we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
