ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
